Thursday, September 29, 2011

You just can't escape the fat hate.

So I joined Pinterest a few days ago and I have really been enjoying it. For those of you who haven't heard of it yet Pinterest is a social networking site that works by pinning images onto "boards" which is basically just a group of similar pins that share the same topic or idea. Once you have "pinned" something to a board it attaches a picture or video along with a little comment or description of the thing you pinned and if you click on it it will bring you back to that page. Some of the main categories are home, recipes, crafts, fashion, and so forth. It is a quick visual way to group things that you see while surfing the internet and being that I am a very visual person it works well for me. I also like being able to follow my friends and family who are also on Pinterest and see things that they post. I have found that my second oldest sister and I actually have a bit in common in regards to what we like and that is a neat thing to know.

Anyway I have really been enjoying it but last night I got quite frustrated with a common theme that was popping up as I was browsing other people pins. That theme was fat hate, thinspiration, body snarking,  or diet propaganda and all that jazz. Now I am not surprised at all to see it there, what did surprise and hurt me the most is who I saw it from. Seeing those pins from people I love and care about, and whom I am close to, hurt a lot and made me wonder if that is how they also see me. Seeing or hearing how awful fat is, how badly they want to get rid of it, and how much they despise or fear it,  from close friends or relatives in my life made me start wondering about our relationship. If they feel that way about fat how can they separate that from me when I AM a fat woman. It really made me think and examine some of my relationships.

Now while that was a sad thing to see and ponder I have to say it was also nice to see fat/size positive pins from people, pins about HAES and speaking up against the fat hate. We need more of that to keep popping up and I truly believe that the more people see and become familiar with the fat positive message the easier it will become to help show what we are all about. I think that every little post, pin, or other kind with a fat/size acceptance kind of message helps to plants seeds in people that will get them to find out more or be more open to hearing about it in the future. So while it is true you really can't escape all those negative messages unless you sequestered yourself into a padded room, I think we can all fight back against those messages by sprinkling positive ones where-ever we can.

Do any of you have pinterest accounts? What do you think about it? What kinds of things, or methods could we do to spread a positive message about size and fat? I would love to begin to pin as much FA/HAES and body positivity messages as I can so if you know of something that would make a great thing to pin along those lines please leave a link here.They may seem like little drops in the sea of fate hate we face, but I think they can make a difference.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

You are all awesome!

I came across the site AwesomenessReminders the other day and it instantly made me smile. AwesomenessReminders is a simple idea, you sign up for a monthly cost and they provide a phone call everyday just to tell you or someone you love that they are awesome. If they don't reach a person they leave the message in voicemail. How cute is that?

Now you can have all of the calls go to you, or you can schedule the calls to go to other people on certain days. Such a simple idea but wow what a great one, I think receiving a call from someone just to tell you that you are awesome would really have an impact on people. So often we are bombarded with a ton of messages that tell us how imperfect we are, how we need to do this or that to even be acceptable, and it has become very uncommon to hear that hey you are ok just the way you are and actually you are quite awesome.

This site just made me smile because it is a little drop of a positive message in the deluge of negativity we deal with. Who doesn't need to hear that we are ok, it kind of reminds me of the daily affirmation skit on Saturday Night Live. Now say it with me folks ...

Because I'm good enough.. I'm smart enough.. 
and, doggonit, people like me!

Please allow me to introduce myself

Wow, I started this blog a long time ago, back when I was 28-29 and honestly a completely different person than I am today. I really haven't done a good job with posting here and I was finally able to pinpoint a few reasons why that is.

First off I started Scattered Marbles at a time in my life where I was basically living two separate lives, my real-life one and my online one. I was struggling with so much inner stuff that I found impossible to show to those people in my real life, but I felt a safety and security from the online format that allowed me to let that out more. I was hiding secrets, and feelings, in real life that were slowly killing me and putting my into a very dark place. I hated having to hide that part of myself to the people whose acceptance mattered most but the fear of them seeing who I really was and deciding I wasn't worth their time was too much. So I started this blog as a way to get that all out and yet was so worried that someone would find it and figure out it was me that I would procrastinate writing about the things on my heart. I hated having to be fake to people and so that held me back.

Secondly I was so worried of doing it wrong. I would start to write about something that I just needed to talk about and then found myself reluctant to publish things or expressing my genuine feelings for fear of offending someone in the fatosphere that I looked up to, and/or getting hated for thoughts that might go against the norm that I would just give up and neglect posting. Now I know, that being able to get out what I am dealing with, thinking about, learning, and going through will be a big help for me, and hopefully help someone else as well. I am done with hiding parts of who I am and have decided that it is time to be genuinely me, and learn to accept and love both the good and bad and everything in between. So please allow me to re-introduce myself...

Hi! I am Teresa, a 33 year old fat woman. I am a full-time student pursuing my bachelors degree in web design and interactive media and a part time freelancing graphic designer. I have spent the majority of my life hating myself and my body and pursuing the "fantasy of being thin" (go read it!) and living my life as an apology for just existing. I live with depression, agoraphobia, and severe self-esteem issues, and I am learning to accept and cope with them.

I have been a missionary kid (MK), teachers kid (TK), and now I am a pastors kid (PK). I have a relationship with Jesus that means to world to me and I am constantly wanting to grow and learn more about Him. I try everyday to live my Christianity as a relationship with my savior and not a religion. I love being creative, and am enamored with color. That love of color has spurned quite a large nail polish, and makeup collection which is fun for me. I love laughing and being silly and am learning to find joy in both the ups and downs of life.

I am not perfect, far from it, but God is working on me everyday and I am starting to like myself. I hope that I can find more strength and healing by sharing who I am with people and no longer hiding things I think will drive people away. I think it is so important to let our voices be heard, and mine will be talking about fat acceptance and HAES, what it is like living with depression, what God is showing me everyday, and any other thing that pops into my head.

I welcome you all to read, comment, and join me in this blogging journey but just remember respect is vital here and as long as we respect each other I think we will get a long ok! I have deleted all the previous posts save for a few that I still loved and wanted to hang onto but as for now this is a new slate to fill.