Monday, May 28, 2012

Pinterest Activism of sorts

I had the joy of dealing with a little bit of fat hate drama regarding a picture that I pinned onto my body love board on Pinterest a long time ago. It has gotten a lot of pins and likes in the past and this past week came under a little bit of negative attention as well. I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to the activity on my pins as I really pin them for me so that I can enjoy them later. My board dedicated to fat acceptance however I do tend to pay more attention to because I feel the message is so important and I want those who see it to have a safe space to enjoy the pins.

So this is the drama that happened when one girl just got her panties all in a wad because of the DANGEROUS message  “promoting obesity” that this picture was forcing on people and apparently just by seeing the picture all people will of course just decide they need to be huge obese people. I hope I handled it right, part of me wanted to just ridicule the stupidity, part of me wanted to attack back because I am just so tired of the same old crap being thrown at fat people. But mostly I feel such pity for the thinking that produces this stuff and how they seem to feel completely vindicated in treating people like crap and saying awful things and I really didn’t want to stoop to that level.

Above is the offending picture from here and this is what it sparked
Stefani Eldon-Kane
"So smoke and be lazy? Sounds like a celebrity...."
That was posted about a week or so ago  then a few more people commented liking it and repining it  which obviously upset Stefani and so this was posted
Stefani Eldon-Kane
"I can't believe that people are actually repinning this... its such a bad example! Get your lazy, junkfood, smoking asses off the couch! This is why I get shit for being skinny... the right way.. exercising and eating good! That should be the example! What is this teaching our kids???? To be fat slobs? Whatever..."
Stefani then got a supporter to chime in and commiserate with her about how awfully hard it is to be them and the terrible treatment they get  “cue violins”
Stephanie Cook
"I agree with Stefani. I'm always getting crap for exercising and eating healthy because apperantly it's vain. Yeah, you shouldn't base your self esteem on it, but you shouldn't disregard it either."
This was met by an awesome response from another commenter
Christy Harwel
"She obviously isn't talking crap about skinny people. She is stating her priority. If you are offended by it, it's your problem. She is a strong confident amazing singer. I'm sure she cries into her pillow giving a crap about what you think lol!!!"

Stefani Eldon-Kane

"What does a strong amazing singer have to do with anything we were talking about? We were stating that she is promoting being a fat ass."
"Also, "talking crap"... you sound like my seven year old. Obesity is a serious issue in this country if you are not aware... not to mention the numerous problems with smoking and second hand smoke. She is a great singer, but to promote obesity and smoking is not a good example. Just saying."
Up until this point I hadn’t been paying any attention to the comments on that pin, those notifications are usually caught in my e-mails spam filter but for some reason this last one showed up in my inbox and so I went to check it out. I was kind of annoyed and a little hurt at the self-righteousness and bigotry in the comments but I thought ok I can take this as an opportunity to maybe open some eyes so I responded.
My response
“@Stefani Eldon-Kane and @Stephanie Cook
I feel the need to reply to your comments on my pin.
The first thing I want to say is that I am sorry that anyone has given you trouble or made you feel bad for the way you have chosen to live your life. They have no right to say rude or hurtful things to you in any way for what you eat and how you spend your time. Your body is yours and no one has the right to make comments about it other than those you specifically invite to do so. I totally understand how that can be a very hurtful and upsetting thing and no one deserves that. You both are humans deserving of respect and kindness and I am sorry that you haven't gotten that from some people.”

“Secondly please let me explain why I pinned this. I like Adele's music, and I have seen so many articles, news posts, blog posts, and interviews that she has done in which the focus is not on her talent and her voice but the size of her body. I can imagine that that gets very tiring for her and  I like how she focused her answer totally on herself and didn't say that anyone else should think or act like she does, nor did she tear anyone else down. It seems to me she was making an annoyed point that her focus is on her singing and making great music, because she is a singer not a model. Now I don't like smoking, I don't do it myself, but her body is her own and so what she does with it is her own choice.”

“Finally, I am a fat person (as are a lot of my friends who follow me on Pinterest) We are also humans.  I work hard as a full-time student earning a bachelor’s degree as well as a full time graphic designer. I love those in my life like crazy, and enjoy spending time with them. I work hard to help out those around me and try to do things to leave this world a better place. I am a human, and I deserve the same respect and kindness that any other human does.

That being said your comments were, and are, terribly hurtful to me. To be called "lazy", "fat slob", "fat ass", and assuming that I eat junkfood all day on the couch is not only untrue it is hurtful and it treats me as less than human. Not once have I said anything against you, your body size, and I really do respect that what you do with your body is completely your right.”

“I also encourage you to do some real research in regards to obesity and the issue of it, this is a great post to start with as it includes a lot of actual medical research studies not just regurgitated "facts" that "everybody knows"

Then I encourage you to read things by Dr. Linda Bacon.”
Which cause Stefani to respond again
Stefani Eldon-Kane
"I'm sorry that you thought I was talking directly about you.. but I was not... have you even read what she said??? I know not everyone wants to be skinny, but this is setting a bad example. Let's just all go smoke, eat tons of food and not work out! Sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately she picked this career and there is going to be some ridicule about what you do and say as a celebrity... just saying"

"Also, I'm about to graduate as a nutrtitionist! I know all about obesity and what causes it... smoking, not exercising and eating crappy food with not exercise! Am I getting close to making any sense?"

"And I'm sorry but I did not call you anything.."
At this point I realize her mind is completely closed and I really hate that everyone who liked and/or pinned this picture was having to read all the disgusting hatred and I just wanted to put an end to this so I responded with
My Response
You apparently fail to understand what I am saying at all so I am removing your comments from my pin. They are hurtful, hate filled, and honestly quite untruthful and that is not what I want to spread in this world. I would still encourage you to read
and also check out the site junkfood science, as a nutritionist I think you might find it very interesting.
With that I removed her comments along with the responses to her comments (yes even the positive ones) as they would make no sense without them and I didn’t want that on my page. This seemed to upset poor Stefani and so while I was out with friends she posted the following
Stefani Eldon-Kane
"Lol ok don't post stuff on a social site if you don't like the comments. Maybe you should post on a personal site. You need a reality check."

"And I have plenty of bigger friends thank you very much and not one agree with your message. You can delete this and all the other ones who don't agree with you unhealthy spread of obesity. Have a nice day and I hope your not talking about a blot site...."

"And I said nothing hate filled... I see you deleted everyone who didn't agree with you as well.... hypocrite."    

"And the danceswithfat video is nothing but spinning. Compare this to dances with the stars...please!"
"I saw danceswithfat video and all I saw was a bunch of spinning.... ok..but compare this to so you think you can dance.... not even close! I tried but I couldn't get through it...."  

"I saw the danceswithfat video and all I saw a bunch of spinning moves...anyone can do that... bigger or skinny...she wouldn't last a minute on so you think you can dance...

When I got home I responded with
My Response
@Stefani Eldon-Kane
Being that she is a champion level dancer who has won multiple titles and competitions I would say you are wrong and once again are jumping to conclusions that are wrong but that is your choice. As for me being a hypocrite because I chose to keep my pins hate free so that people can enjoy them without feeling attacked by being called a fat slob, lazy, or a fat ass because when you say that as a blanket statement it effects and hurts a whole lot of people. Being that this is MY pin that is my prerogative and it is not at all hypocritical, if you want to bash people you have all the right in the world to re-pin this and say anything your little heart desires about fat people if it makes you feel better :-) That is your right and I welcome you to do that so that you can have your say against all those "fat asses" without people like me who think all people are deserving of kindness and respect regardless of their body size speaking up and ruining it for you.

Being that this is MY pin on MY board that is my prerogative and it is not at all hypocritical, I know it is a social site and so that is why I do what I need to, to keep my boards safe from hate and bigotry, and that is my prerogative :-) cool how that works isn't it?

This seemed to make her even more mad
Stefani Eldon-Kane
"You erased every comment that didn't agree with you... this is posted so everyone can see... you just don't like the fact that I commented on a lazy mentality. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and looked at the websites you provided... all blogs asking for donations every five sentences! That is like going and doing my thesis off of wikipedia! I tried to understand this mentality...but I guess I'm way to advanced to understand :) have a nice night :)"

"You are so manipulating the comments it is digusting... why not leave up what I said so people can really see what me and others say? Because you know that when you post something that is this disturbing, people are going to have something to say. This is the last time I will ever think of you again... take your own advise and be happy with yourself."

Being that I was heading out the door to go to the drive-in with my friend to see “The Avengers” and “Dark Shadows” and not feeling the need to waste any more time on her my response was “Bye :-)”

Lol! Gotta love the people you come across when you dare post something against the accepted norm, it just made me realize how glad I am not to live in that mindset and how truly happy I am that I am getting the strength to stand up for myself and what I believe in. It is just sad to see people continuing that kind of bigotry and especially sad that if she truly is about to graduate as a nutritionist (I wonder if it is from the same “school” as Meme Roth?) that she will then infect these beliefs on other people in a professional setting as well. Oh the damage her and her “advanced” thinking will do…

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dear You... YES YOU!!!

Dear Anyone who finds it hard to love themselves AS THEY ARE,

You are positively BEAUTIFUL!

I love the freckles on your nose, they bring out the colors in your eyes. Your hair frames your face perfectly. Your laugh is contagious and you will always make me smile.

Those scars on your knees? They show me you have fallen. The sparkle in your eyes when you smile? They show me you picked yourself up. Your smile is drop dead gorgeous, wear it more often. Seriously, think about who CARES, that you have acne. WHO really cares if you're overweight or underweight, tall or short, tan or pale, an A cup or a HH cup?

All that matters it that someone thinks that you are beautiful just the way you are and that someone is me. I wish you could love yourself the way I love you, the way your family loves you, the way your friends love you. The ones who care about all that superficial crap really don't matter in the grand scheme of life, and the ones who DO matter see all the "flaws" with eyes of love and love them because it is part of what makes you so special to them.

My greatest wish for all of you
is that you can see yourself through the eyes
of those who love you,
all of you,
just the way you are!

~ Love ,

Monday, May 14, 2012

I am still a liar

~*~ Possible Trigger Warning ~*~

I wrote previously that I was starting a "nutrition" class and that I really wasn't looking forward to it. I was going over the syllabus and reading all that it would entail like keeping a food log, analyzing everything about it, writing papers about stuff I truly believe to be lies like the whole calories in/calories out, and acting like I have clients I am supposed to be advising about their diet. I still can't quite figure out what in the world that has to do with being a graphic designer, let me tell you if I start giving any of my clients diet advice I would actually WANT them to drop kick me in the neck. I hated the thought of it all but I thought ok I will put my brain in neutral and just blab what I know they want to hear and just make it through this, it will be ok.

It has not been ok, it is not ok! I have been doing my absolute best to fight through this course and I have been really working to get SOMETHING from it. As of yet nothing positive has come from it. First off we had to give all our stats like weight, height, yadda, yadda to our teacher. Then we had to do the stinking food log and as much as it sent me on a very bad path I tracked every stinkin thing I put into my mouth and I put it all together in a report also telling a bit about my eating disordered past and how hard this was. My professor reviewed it and lectured me starting with the whole I should be eating breakfast it is the most important meal of the day crap, even though I explained that I do not feel hungry for a few hours or more after I wake up and the thought of food makes me feel ill. It is only when waiting til I am hungry to eat that I avoid feeling really badly and ok yes that means for the first half of the day I don't eat  though I do drink water and such. So ok I got that lecture, and then he had to throw in that the point of the exercise was to track EVERYTHING I ate and that I couldn't have been doing that because there is no way that I could eat like that normally and maintain the weight I am right now.  Ummmmmm!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  UMMMMMM?!?!?!?! I actually literally screamed in anger, this is the exact same crap that I have dealt with numerous times before, of course me the little fatty must definitely be lying. Cause fatties lie about what they eat right?

Ok since I started on my journey in fat acceptance,  I haven't HAD to lie about my food because I have been eating intuitively and given myself no judgments on it. I really didn't even know what to say in response, I was too annoyed to try to  explain and honestly I didn't owe an explanation I had told the absolute truth so whatever. So all I ended up writing back was I am sorry that you feel that way but you really will need to ask God about that because I kept an accurate food log and this is the exact way that I have been eating for the past few years and my weight has remained the exact same and I didn't know what to tell him.

Anyway so in between dodging all the veiled bigotry and outright stupidity in this with people constantly bringing up "the poor obese children something must be done!" I am back into disordered life again and it is slowly wearing on me. I now have to lie when I do my assignments just so that I don't totally fudge up my GPA. I get to deal with really stupid comments spoken like fact, and when I show medical study after medical study to prove otherwise they are still unwilling to listen. Like for instant I had to write up a diet plan for a "client" going through chemo-therapy and the response I got was to tell me that I should have used the weight and height to calculate the BMI so that I could know how many calories to keep the diet between and for people over whatever BMI they deem dangerous I should "handle" that issue.  I was just like excuse me?!? You really think someone who is going through chemotherapy where they are actually killing off your body cells in an attempt to eradicate the cancer, something that causes massive issues in the body not to mention making you sick the LAST thing you need to have your client focusing on is their weight much less having them try to lose weight. I responded with that point, that the focus is to get enough food into the client to keep their energy up enough and help their body heal not to worry about a certain vanity weight, and then I posted links to articles and posts talking about how bogus the BMI really is.  Ugh, the ignorance, it burns!!

Anyway so dealing with all that has gotten me back to a place where I start to obsess over what I should or shouldn't be eating, getting back into that whole awful shame spiral. For the first time in at least 3 years I have eaten past my satisfied comfortably full point at least 4 time... FOUR TIMES!! I hate it. Things that I have been able to cope with quite well with intuitive eating have started becoming a problem again like insomnia, thoughts of self hate, feelings of being undeserving of anything good and worst of all struggles with depression popping up again because of all this. I try to share that frustration with family or friends but they all still believe that calories in = calories out and give me the impression that they think this is good for me. So I keep quiet and I am struggling through because all of this on top of the stress of life stuff has been building up but I don't feel like I can say that part of why I am freaking out is because this stupid class is driving me crazy all over again. Cause then I just sound like the rebellious fatty.  I have a few more weeks before this is over, it will not end soon enough. This will not kill me I will not let it, and I know God will get me through but the frustration level is building.  I just needed to get it out.