Let me put my Ranty Pants on

Alrighty folks, I need to vent and you get the venting.

Dear random guys on Facebook,

I did NOT ask you to love me, I didn't, not once, at all, EVER. Nope I accepted your friends request on Facebook, this does not in anyway invite you to hit on me or declare some kind of ownership over me. Here's the thing, I like playing games on Facebook, they are fun for me, they allow me to get away for a bit from work and homework and just do something completely stupid and meaningless.Some of these games in order to get anywhere with them and not go crazy you need other gamers, and so I have added a lot of people to my FB account that I can game with. Some of these people have actually become friends just because we connect on certain things. I enjoy reading about peoples lives and I like being able to share whats on my heart and mind in a way that is quick easy and works with my schedule and brain.

Yes I posted pictures of myself, mainly because I have a whole lot of family all over the world and I know it is fun for them to see whats new with me and to see pictures from time to time. You posting nice messages on these pictures is sweet, and I thank you for that, but I didn't ask for it. You posting on my posts and links is sweet, it is always nice to find other people who have the same thoughts or like the same things I do, that is cool. You then writing me a private message declaring your love for me when all I have done is be a kind albeit somewhat distant, acquaintance, is somewhat a shock to me but I want to be nice and I am always open to friends so I explain that I am open to a friendship on Facebook but that is all I can offer due to the fact that I am getting over the end of a very serious relationship and also the fact that you live in a whole different country with a completely different culture, etc. You speak of how you love my faith in God, and say you share that faith and ok that is cool always nice to meet a fellow believer, a brother in Christ.  Now you continue to declare your love and intentions, that you just know God means for us to be together, that you would make me the happiest wife ever, blah blah blah.

Ok bottom line, no you don't love me, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! Declaring love for a chick you only know by their status updates and posts on Facebook not only makes you look incredibly suspicious but honestly it makes said chick (ME) doubt you have even one clue what real love is and doubt even more that you are for real. I did not ask for you to love me, and when you threw that at me I tried to be as kind but honest as I could. Maybe you expect that I would just fall at your feet and swim over there to marry you tomorrow but I am sorry, you are out of luck. I have explained to you that I just got out of a relationship that shattered me, and I have explained that by just I mean JUST, as in I am still dealing with the grief, and you still push your love on me. I have explained that I have major trust issues that are quite valid and the idea of getting into another long distance relationship honestly makes me kind of nauseous and is not something I am interested in at all. Your response, That you will move here...... ummmm NO you won't, and that kind of freaked me out even more.

You write me every day, multiple times a day, ok thats your prerogative, but we are not in a relationship, and I don't write my real life friends everyday and I love them to pieces. So the fact that now I have started avoiding Facebook and definitely started avoiding my inbox because I just don't have the time or inclination to try to make you understand, is not cool.

Lets go over this again, I DID NOT ASK YOU TO LOVE ME, I don't need your love, I don't want your love and I certainly don't want to be in a relationship with a clingy smothering man! Me being nice and kind was obviously misinterpreted by you as me wanting to jump your bones and make vows to you. Putting me into a situation where I have to be a mean witch is not cool and again not anything I asked for. Thing is dudes, and yes I am talking to multiple ones here, don't push your "love" on women who never asked for it. If you do approach a woman and they say all they can offer is friendship then for crying out loud show that woman who you claim to "love" that that love actually means respecting her no, because here is the deal, if you can't even respect a woman when they say they are only interested in friendship how in the world is that woman supposed to think you would ever respect her in any other matter. The same kind of rules that apply to rape apply here, unless you get an enthusiastic yes, back off  and don't go further. If you get a lukewarm not right now or I need time then drop back and show you can be an actual friend and if you get a no then respect that freaking no and stay in friend/acquaintance zone or drop out of her life don't keep pushing and trying to "convince" her. Don't make her defend her answer, that just once again shows you have no respect for her or her thoughts and feelings.

It is not cool to do this, I am sorry but your "love" is not a priceless commodity that all women will thank you for delivering to them. I will not die if I don't get with you, I will not die from lack of sex, I do not need a man in my life to be happy, in fact I think I have shown that I can be completely happy and content on my own. I do not need a knight on a white horse to save me, and regardless of how many times you tell me that God has told you that I should be with you and we should be together unless God also sends that memo to me and gives me peace about it then sorry but I don't believe it so just stop. I am on facebook for fun and to keep in touch with family and friends all over the world, if I wanted matchmaking or dates I would sign up for eHarmony. Got it... I hope so

/rant

No, you feel pregnant,... not fat ...there is a difference!.

A few days ago I was reading a lifehacker blog post about 10 food myths that just won't die. It was a pretty cool post and many of the myths or lies they talked about were diet related that people speak as gospel. Well that post has now been deleted but there was a comment on there that always manages to get me angry.

It was a comment from a lady who was going on about how the post was so wrong regarding a few of the myths and how posts like that one are going to make people  so unhealthy. She ended the post with something along the lines of "when I was pregnant I gained twenty pounds and I know what it is like to be fat. I was so miserable, you can't be fat and happy and this post is doing no one any favors."

Y'all I can not tell you how many times I have heard otherwise skinny or normal weight people say that since they have been pregnant they know exactly what it is like to be fat. Ok, umm.....

NO YOU DON'T!!

Seriously it drives me absolutely nuts when I hear this, and I hear it often. People who have never experienced really being fat getting pregnant and then going on and on about how fat they feel. They talk about how hard it is to find clothes, tie their shoes, and so on. I hear them whining about it on Facebook and have had friends and family members go on and on about it to me, some even remarking how now they understand what I go through and oh my goodness how can you stand it?

So ok, let me just say this, you being pregnant does not induct you to the fat sorority. You have no clue how it feels being fat because you are pregnant and that is so not the same thing. Please let me tell you why;

First off, my fat is soft , squishy and somewhat mold-able because it is full of adipose tissue (fat), your pregnant belly is growing a human, it is hard and really resistant to changing it's shape. So when you find it hard to get out of a chair because your stomach does not move like my fat one does, there is a child in there. When I go to stand up, sure I may not do it as gracefully as others but my stomach squeezes and moves so that it is a whole different experience for me. You don't know what that is like, your experience is not mine, you are pregnant not fat.

Secondly, when you are pregnant you gain weight rapidly because once again there is a child growing inside you and it needs room and your body is holding onto more weight. My fat has taken years, decades, and many failed diets to grow on my body. I have been able to slowly adapt and function with it, it is a part of me. You go on and on about how you can't even walk upstairs without getting tired, how you can't walk like you did before, and about how out of energy you are all the time. You are not used to carrying around that weight and so of course it is going to feel drastically different, but here is a news flash... it is not always the same way for fat people. Your hormones are going wild and your body is busy growing life, that will drain energy pretty quickly. Once again, for fatties like me that is not the case, we are used to our bodies and we have adapted to how it moves and works. If we are low on energy it is not the same kind of feeling or reason. You are pregnant and your body is doing something amazing but you are not fat  so thinking that all fat people feel the same as you is just ignorant.

One of the biggest things though, is you are pregnant, and people love and adore pregnant women. They often held up as special and wonderful, people see a pregnant woman and they congratulate you. They get excited and happy and see you as beautiful. You do not get the vast quantities of hatred and stereotyping that a fat person does every day. People see a fat person and they are often disgusted, full of assumptions and fear. Your pregnant body is celebrated, the fashion industry feels it is important to give you cute trendy clothes. You do not hear the constant stream of veiled death threats simply because of the shape of your body do you? Have you ever heard 'you are pregnant, you are going to die,' or 'don't you know that you will get a ton of fatal diseases by being pregnant?' You don't see people posting comments on a picture of another pregnant person talking about how they just want to beat-up or kill anyone who is pregnant. I however do see those things, often, daily and more than you can and every will truly be able to fathom, to the point that the world can seem like a very hostile place.

So please, the next time you are tempted to commiserate with a fat person because you are, or were, pregnant at one time, well just don't. You being pregnant does not give you the right or place to talk about what it is like to be fat, cause girl you have no clue. You may be miserable in your changing body but that doesn't mean that all fat people are miserable too, so stop talking for us.

The same goes for all those people who put on fat suits and then say they know just what it is like to be fat. You are hot because you have a huge fat suit on, my fat body however does a good job of regulating my temperature and it feels nothing like being in a huge padded costume. Maybe I am the only fat person who gets completely annoyed by this but I dare say I am not. Are you bothered by this like I am? What would you say to a pregnant lady who is going on and on about how hard it is now that she is "fat?"

I could be angry, instead I just feel a lot of pity. ~ When Trolls 'Attack'

A little while ago I joined a group called Super Sizes, started by Sleepy Dumpling, on Facebook, it is for those of us who are tired of having such a limited selection of clothes to choose from.  a place where we can share the places we have found that do a good job and have a pretty good selection. It is nice to have people who understand the frustrations I face because they deal with them too, it is a great group.

Now today I found a message in the "other" section of my Facebook message box that had been sent to me on Aug 31st but being that I rarely get messages from people who aren't on my friends list I always forget to check it. Today as I was sewing a long black skirt with my mom, who had just gotten a phone call from my sister, I took that time to peruse Facebook a little. I was sending a message to a friend of mine and then checked out my other section and found the following message.

 

At first I was a little taken aback because I hadn't looked closely at the name or the picture and so I thought it was from a friend of mine. Once I saw that it was from a completely random stranger I will admit I was angry and hurt, cause shoot that kind of stuff is just uncalled for if you are a decent human being. I also got a little frustrated because I mentioned it to my parents and they were just silent, and that annoyed me cause you know what I stand up for the people I love when they are dealing with dimwits. 

I didn't respond right away however, because I had much better things to do (finishing my awesome skirt) and I wasn't going to let ignorance de-rail my fun. So I finished the skirt (it rocks) and went downstairs and finished my homework that I needed to hand in. While I was working on the coding for my programming class I found myself mulling over the message. 

At first I was still really mad and my brain ran through all the insults and stereo-typical assumptions I could throw at this person just from their picture and actions, and let me tell you I could have thought of a lot.  I realized though that that would truly make me no better, I try to work to get people to realize that stereotyping someone because of their looks or first impression is not cool and shouldn't be done, so me doing that even if I was hurt wouldn't be cool. You can't argue or fight a person into agreeing with you, but I find you CAN set a good example, and what that person does with it is their responsibility. 

So I stopped thinking about how I could hurt this person back like they had hurt me and started thinking about what would make a person do something so pathetic as to message random people to insult them. Now all I can possibly feel is pity, cause when you take out the hurt feelings, you have to be a pretty sad person with a sad life to find some fulfillment in that kind of stuff. It just says so much more about the person sending those messages than it ever does of the person they are putting down. So I went with this feeling of pity to try to respond to the message and found myself wanting to know what is so bad, so fulfilling, and so shallow about this persons life that they would do this. What I found was a display picture taken from a porn type site about "jailbait", showing a girl in a tiny bikini on a beach (I love this firefox add-on),  who has liked numerous other "plus-sized" groups on Facebook and I can imagine is doing the same to others. 

That is just so pathetic, here you have someone attacking and hurting other people who have never ever done anything to them except be themselves. Thinking that they have done it to someone else who might not be where I am in my journey to self acceptance, who could actually be truly hurt and affected by the message they read. Well that gets me upset cause they are damaging that person's heart and soul for their own enterainment and that just shows what a small insignificant person this "Christie Clements" must be. Now I know people like this christie find such safety in the anonymity of the internet and I am not willing to help her hide her inner ugliness by just staying quiet about it rather I plan on contacting the employer that she mentions on her Facebook wall to let them know one of their employees is harassing random people, and using a picture from a "jailbait" site as their display picture.  I will also post the public information that s/he has provided on Facebook here so that it can be located should an prospective employee along with this blog post so they can the real activities of the person they might be thinking of hiring. Maybe that will make her think twice before she hurts other people. Then I will forget about her and her sad existence and enjoy my wonderful friends and look towards much more worthwhile things