Pinterest Activism of sorts

I had the joy of dealing with a little bit of fat hate drama regarding a picture that I pinned onto my body love board on Pinterest a long time ago. It has gotten a lot of pins and likes in the past and this past week came under a little bit of negative attention as well. I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to the activity on my pins as I really pin them for me so that I can enjoy them later. My board dedicated to fat acceptance however I do tend to pay more attention to because I feel the message is so important and I want those who see it to have a safe space to enjoy the pins.

So this is the drama that happened when one girl just got her panties all in a wad because of the DANGEROUS message  “promoting obesity” that this picture was forcing on people and apparently just by seeing the picture all people will of course just decide they need to be huge obese people. I hope I handled it right, part of me wanted to just ridicule the stupidity, part of me wanted to attack back because I am just so tired of the same old crap being thrown at fat people. But mostly I feel such pity for the thinking that produces this stuff and how they seem to feel completely vindicated in treating people like crap and saying awful things and I really didn’t want to stoop to that level.

Above is the offending picture from here and this is what it sparked

Stefani Eldon-Kane
"So smoke and be lazy? Sounds like a celebrity...."

That was posted about a week or so ago  then a few more people commented liking it and repining it  which obviously upset Stefani and so this was posted

Stefani Eldon-Kane
"I can't believe that people are actually repinning this... its such a bad example! Get your lazy, junkfood, smoking asses off the couch! This is why I get shit for being skinny... the right way.. exercising and eating good! That should be the example! What is this teaching our kids???? To be fat slobs? Whatever..."

Stefani then got a supporter to chime in and commiserate with her about how awfully hard it is to be them and the terrible treatment they get  “cue violins”

Stephanie Cook
"I agree with Stefani. I'm always getting crap for exercising and eating healthy because apperantly it's vain. Yeah, you shouldn't base your self esteem on it, but you shouldn't disregard it either."

This was met by an awesome response from another commenter

Christy Harwel
"She obviously isn't talking crap about skinny people. She is stating her priority. If you are offended by it, it's your problem. She is a strong confident amazing singer. I'm sure she cries into her pillow giving a crap about what you think lol!!!"

Stefani Eldon-Kane
"What does a strong amazing singer have to do with anything we were talking about? We were stating that she is promoting being a fat ass."

"Also, "talking crap"... you sound like my seven year old. Obesity is a serious issue in this country if you are not aware... not to mention the numerous problems with smoking and second hand smoke. She is a great singer, but to promote obesity and smoking is not a good example. Just saying."

Up until this point I hadn’t been paying any attention to the comments on that pin, those notifications are usually caught in my e-mails spam filter but for some reason this last one showed up in my inbox and so I went to check it out. I was kind of annoyed and a little hurt at the self-righteousness and bigotry in the comments but I thought ok I can take this as an opportunity to maybe open some eyes so I responded.

My response
“@Stefani Eldon-Kane and @Stephanie Cook
I feel the need to reply to your comments on my pin.
The first thing I want to say is that I am sorry that anyone has given you trouble or made you feel bad for the way you have chosen to live your life. They have no right to say rude or hurtful things to you in any way for what you eat and how you spend your time. Your body is yours and no one has the right to make comments about it other than those you specifically invite to do so. I totally understand how that can be a very hurtful and upsetting thing and no one deserves that. You both are humans deserving of respect and kindness and I am sorry that you haven't gotten that from some people.”

“Secondly please let me explain why I pinned this. I like Adele's music, and I have seen so many articles, news posts, blog posts, and interviews that she has done in which the focus is not on her talent and her voice but the size of her body. I can imagine that that gets very tiring for her and  I like how she focused her answer totally on herself and didn't say that anyone else should think or act like she does, nor did she tear anyone else down. It seems to me she was making an annoyed point that her focus is on her singing and making great music, because she is a singer not a model. Now I don't like smoking, I don't do it myself, but her body is her own and so what she does with it is her own choice.”

“Finally, I am a fat person (as are a lot of my friends who follow me on Pinterest) We are also humans.  I work hard as a full-time student earning a bachelor’s degree as well as a full time graphic designer. I love those in my life like crazy, and enjoy spending time with them. I work hard to help out those around me and try to do things to leave this world a better place. I am a human, and I deserve the same respect and kindness that any other human does.

That being said your comments were, and are, terribly hurtful to me. To be called "lazy", "fat slob", "fat ass", and assuming that I eat junkfood all day on the couch is not only untrue it is hurtful and it treats me as less than human. Not once have I said anything against you, your body size, and I really do respect that what you do with your body is completely your right.”

“I also encourage you to do some real research in regards to obesity and the issue of it, this is a great post to start with as it includes a lot of actual medical research studies not just regurgitated "facts" that "everybody knows"

http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/for-fat-patients-and-their-doctors/

Then I encourage you to read things by Dr. Linda Bacon.”

Which cause Stefani to respond again

Stefani Eldon-Kane
"I'm sorry that you thought I was talking directly about you.. but I was not... have you even read what she said??? I know not everyone wants to be skinny, but this is setting a bad example. Let's just all go smoke, eat tons of food and not work out! Sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately she picked this career and there is going to be some ridicule about what you do and say as a celebrity... just saying"

"Also, I'm about to graduate as a nutrtitionist! I know all about obesity and what causes it... smoking, not exercising and eating crappy food with not exercise! Am I getting close to making any sense?"

"And I'm sorry but I did not call you anything.."

At this point I realize her mind is completely closed and I really hate that everyone who liked and/or pinned this picture was having to read all the disgusting hatred and I just wanted to put an end to this so I responded with

My Response
You apparently fail to understand what I am saying at all so I am removing your comments from my pin. They are hurtful, hate filled, and honestly quite untruthful and that is not what I want to spread in this world. I would still encourage you to read http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/big-fat-faulty-assumptions/
and also check out the site junkfood science, as a nutritionist I think you might find it very interesting.

With that I removed her comments along with the responses to her comments (yes even the positive ones) as they would make no sense without them and I didn’t want that on my page. This seemed to upset poor Stefani and so while I was out with friends she posted the following

Stefani Eldon-Kane
"Lol ok don't post stuff on a social site if you don't like the comments. Maybe you should post on a personal site. You need a reality check."

"And I have plenty of bigger friends thank you very much and not one agree with your message. You can delete this and all the other ones who don't agree with you unhealthy spread of obesity. Have a nice day and I hope your not talking about a blot site...."

"And I said nothing hate filled... I see you deleted everyone who didn't agree with you as well.... hypocrite."    

"And the danceswithfat video is nothing but spinning. Compare this to dances with the stars...please!"
   
"I saw danceswithfat video and all I saw was a bunch of spinning.... ok..but compare this to so you think you can dance.... not even close! I tried but I couldn't get through it...."  

"I saw the danceswithfat video and all I saw a bunch of spinning moves...anyone can do that... bigger or skinny...she wouldn't last a minute on so you think you can dance...."

When I got home I responded with

My Response
@Stefani Eldon-Kane
Being that she is a champion level dancer who has won multiple titles and competitions I would say you are wrong and once again are jumping to conclusions that are wrong but that is your choice. As for me being a hypocrite because I chose to keep my pins hate free so that people can enjoy them without feeling attacked by being called a fat slob, lazy, or a fat ass because when you say that as a blanket statement it effects and hurts a whole lot of people. Being that this is MY pin that is my prerogative and it is not at all hypocritical, if you want to bash people you have all the right in the world to re-pin this and say anything your little heart desires about fat people if it makes you feel better :-) That is your right and I welcome you to do that so that you can have your say against all those "fat asses" without people like me who think all people are deserving of kindness and respect regardless of their body size speaking up and ruining it for you.

Being that this is MY pin on MY board that is my prerogative and it is not at all hypocritical, I know it is a social site and so that is why I do what I need to, to keep my boards safe from hate and bigotry, and that is my prerogative :-) cool how that works isn't it?

This seemed to make her even more mad

Stefani Eldon-Kane
"You erased every comment that didn't agree with you... this is posted so everyone can see... you just don't like the fact that I commented on a lazy mentality. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and looked at the websites you provided... all blogs asking for donations every five sentences! That is like going and doing my thesis off of wikipedia! I tried to understand this mentality...but I guess I'm way to advanced to understand :) have a nice night :)"

"You are so manipulating the comments it is digusting... why not leave up what I said so people can really see what me and others say? Because you know that when you post something that is this disturbing, people are going to have something to say. This is the last time I will ever think of you again... take your own advise and be happy with yourself."

Being that I was heading out the door to go to the drive-in with my friend to see “The Avengers” and “Dark Shadows” and not feeling the need to waste any more time on her my response was “Bye :-)”

Lol! Gotta love the people you come across when you dare post something against the accepted norm, it just made me realize how glad I am not to live in that mindset and how truly happy I am that I am getting the strength to stand up for myself and what I believe in. It is just sad to see people continuing that kind of bigotry and especially sad that if she truly is about to graduate as a nutritionist (I wonder if it is from the same “school” as Meme Roth?) that she will then infect these beliefs on other people in a professional setting as well. Oh the damage her and her “advanced” thinking will do…

I could be angry, instead I just feel a lot of pity. ~ When Trolls 'Attack'

A little while ago I joined a group called Super Sizes, started by Sleepy Dumpling, on Facebook, it is for those of us who are tired of having such a limited selection of clothes to choose from.  a place where we can share the places we have found that do a good job and have a pretty good selection. It is nice to have people who understand the frustrations I face because they deal with them too, it is a great group.

Now today I found a message in the "other" section of my Facebook message box that had been sent to me on Aug 31st but being that I rarely get messages from people who aren't on my friends list I always forget to check it. Today as I was sewing a long black skirt with my mom, who had just gotten a phone call from my sister, I took that time to peruse Facebook a little. I was sending a message to a friend of mine and then checked out my other section and found the following message.

 

At first I was a little taken aback because I hadn't looked closely at the name or the picture and so I thought it was from a friend of mine. Once I saw that it was from a completely random stranger I will admit I was angry and hurt, cause shoot that kind of stuff is just uncalled for if you are a decent human being. I also got a little frustrated because I mentioned it to my parents and they were just silent, and that annoyed me cause you know what I stand up for the people I love when they are dealing with dimwits. 

I didn't respond right away however, because I had much better things to do (finishing my awesome skirt) and I wasn't going to let ignorance de-rail my fun. So I finished the skirt (it rocks) and went downstairs and finished my homework that I needed to hand in. While I was working on the coding for my programming class I found myself mulling over the message. 

At first I was still really mad and my brain ran through all the insults and stereo-typical assumptions I could throw at this person just from their picture and actions, and let me tell you I could have thought of a lot.  I realized though that that would truly make me no better, I try to work to get people to realize that stereotyping someone because of their looks or first impression is not cool and shouldn't be done, so me doing that even if I was hurt wouldn't be cool. You can't argue or fight a person into agreeing with you, but I find you CAN set a good example, and what that person does with it is their responsibility. 

So I stopped thinking about how I could hurt this person back like they had hurt me and started thinking about what would make a person do something so pathetic as to message random people to insult them. Now all I can possibly feel is pity, cause when you take out the hurt feelings, you have to be a pretty sad person with a sad life to find some fulfillment in that kind of stuff. It just says so much more about the person sending those messages than it ever does of the person they are putting down. So I went with this feeling of pity to try to respond to the message and found myself wanting to know what is so bad, so fulfilling, and so shallow about this persons life that they would do this. What I found was a display picture taken from a porn type site about "jailbait", showing a girl in a tiny bikini on a beach (I love this firefox add-on),  who has liked numerous other "plus-sized" groups on Facebook and I can imagine is doing the same to others. 

That is just so pathetic, here you have someone attacking and hurting other people who have never ever done anything to them except be themselves. Thinking that they have done it to someone else who might not be where I am in my journey to self acceptance, who could actually be truly hurt and affected by the message they read. Well that gets me upset cause they are damaging that person's heart and soul for their own enterainment and that just shows what a small insignificant person this "Christie Clements" must be. Now I know people like this christie find such safety in the anonymity of the internet and I am not willing to help her hide her inner ugliness by just staying quiet about it rather I plan on contacting the employer that she mentions on her Facebook wall to let them know one of their employees is harassing random people, and using a picture from a "jailbait" site as their display picture.  I will also post the public information that s/he has provided on Facebook here so that it can be located should an prospective employee along with this blog post so they can the real activities of the person they might be thinking of hiring. Maybe that will make her think twice before she hurts other people. Then I will forget about her and her sad existence and enjoy my wonderful friends and look towards much more worthwhile things