Wednesday, November 9, 2011


So I have been rather quiet lately. That comes from a few different things, first off I just started a new term in school and so I am getting back into the swing of the new class schedule and recovering from last term lol.

Then I have been doing some active procrastination and avoidance because I am dealing with this awful feeling of being so mean for having to cut that friend who I really do care about out of my life. Don't get me wrong, I know that it had to be done. I just keep feeling so awful that it had to get to that length of blocking her number so she can't call or text me, and setting up my email so it bounces any emails she might send me, as well as blocking her on Facebook. It just seems so mean to me, however I do know that if I didn't she wouldn't respect my decision in this. She would keep trying to explain herself and get me to agree with her and if I didn't she would go back to treating me like some evil enemy and it would probably get even worse. I keep wanting to reverse everything but I know that if I take down those defenses things will get even worse. I feel at peace with how I left it, because I focused on the positive and really thanking her for what she had added to my life while she was in it, I didn't want to attack her and make her feel hated  so I just left it at that. There is just this horrible feeling that I am so mean and heartless, but the damage was done and I really don't know how we could get back to a friendship level.

So that has been what I have been struggling with and I am sure I will work through it but it has just been making me get a bit more introverted this week. I do have a few posts in the works,  but right now I just really wanted to share this video with everyone. It hits me so deeply because what she describes is a lot of what I went through on my journey to fat acceptance and how I feel.  The first time I saw it I wanted so badly to post it on my Facebook wall because it just said so much, I love it so much and love that it includes images from Adipositivity. That site was one that really made me begin to see beauty when I looked into the mirror. I however have a lot of younger teens on my page, as well as people who are very conservative and I didn't want to offend or upset them so I haven't, but I need to post it here. I think it is just so well done and well said! So please enjoy!!!

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