Tuesday, October 18, 2011
And so it begins,
She says she is doing it because her bloodwork came back a little high and so she really needs to get healthy, and can I just say my heart broke when I heard her on the phone with her doctor. Now of course I couldn't hear what the doctor was saying, but the way my mom was apologizing and assuring the doctor that yes she is doing something about her weight made me realize the doctor was pretty much scolding her, and making her feel like the blood work was all her fault. So she signed up with "the NEW Weight Stalkers" cause it is online and I guess has all these new tools to compound your obsession with weight and food even things you can take with you so you can spend every single minute of your day obsessing... yay?
Of course with her fancy new tools and point counters and all that jazz come the diet food that is slowly replacing the normal edible stuff we keep around. That part is annoying because it doesn't taste good, certainly isn't satisfying, and it causes me a lot of heart burn and digestive problems. You know what though, whatever, if tha'ts what she wants to do that's her choice. It makes me sad knowing she still buys into this fantasy of being thin and kills me to know that it won't work now just like it didn't work all the other times she has done this, and then she considers herself a failure. IT makes me sad but it is her choice, and she is my mother I can't stop her.
What does drive me crazy is the little comments she makes now, talking about how she is going to get healthy and then she turns into that wonderful species I have classified as the "Concernicus Troll." The "Concernicus Troll" often masquerades as a loved one, or someone who really cares. They start hedging around the "bush of fat" talking about their own weight and their health and suddenly you become the focus. They get that scared and concerned tone in their voice and express how much they love and care and oh they are just sooooo worried about your health. Thing is in my case I was just at the doctors for a very basic physical, they checked my blood pressure and levels and stuff and it was all fine, in the normal range although of course I got the required spiel from the doctor about how my death was imminent and I really need to lose weight as a preventative measure. I was expecting that so while I was getting the lecture I was mentally organizing my closet.
Anyway my numbers were fine, my mom knows that because I made a point to tell her, and yet still now that she has hopped back on the Weight Stalkers train and I keep getting attacked by the "Concernicus Troll." I do my best to ignore it and brush it off, but the hard thing about that type of troll is that their weapon is laced in guilt and if you don't re-assure or acknowledge how wonderful it is that they care they get all upset and hurt and then you are left feeling even worse.
I feel tempted to tell her that if I am not concerned then she shouldn't be either, but I know that will come across all wrong. So I just kind of ignore it and change the topic, go to my room, or just stay silent. So how can you deal with that special kind of "Concernicus Troll" without ruining the relationship, or starting a fight? Has anyone had an experience like that and managed to handle it in a way that didn't cause problems?