Thursday, October 27, 2011

Beginning of winter, and a silver lining

Today I woke up to a good 10+ inches of dense heavy snow all over the place. It truly was a winter wonderland and it looked so pretty. The snow was so heavy however that tons of branches and trees were brokenall over our area and we lost two big branches out of our beautiful maple tree. That was sad it is such a beautiful tree, but it will live and probably be just as beautiful next year, if not more so. Nature is good like that, and we are part of nature aren't we?

Anyway it has been a day of enjoying the snow from inside of nice warm house hee hee.  I did go out for a bit, I had to run to the store to get more tylenol pm and driving home it felt like I had been transported to a magical place. The clouds were dense and scattered all about, and they were so low they were surrounding the houses and my car as I drove along. It wasn't fog it was definite clouds and oh man did it make the drive home wonderful.

So now I am home and I have my window open a bit because I am getting ready to go to bed, my tylenol pm's are beginning to kick in, and I find I sleep better in the cold. The chair that I am chilling in and doing some surfing and writing this here post is right in front of that window and so I have a little fleece jacket over my sweater and every so often shivers run through my body from the breeze that is coming in. My hands are a little numb and yet I like it because I am anticipating crawling under my super snuggly blankets in bed and it will feel so cozy!

Last night my friend who flipped out at me on Sunday night sent me a text to let me know she is writing a long email to me to explain herself, and I told her she had made herself quite clear because she had. So she asked "so you are ok with everything?"  at first I just wanted to write back "yup" just cause my nature is to just try to smooth things over and not stand up for myself or say how I feel. I didn't though, I explained to her again that she hurt me, and also explained that by her telling me, that she basically just tells me what she thinks I want to hear it has me second guessing everything she says. but that she did make herself quite clear. I also explained that being a fake person was very harmful to me in the past and I didn't know if I could become that again in order to keep a friendship.  She hasn't responded. I feel quite proud of me for speaking and showing my true feelings and thoughts instead of just acting like things were fine like I used to do.

I have to say one very positive thing that happened through all this is that it has made me realized how cool and awesome some of my friends are. I had shared this story with one of my dearest friends, he is so cool about listening and giving real thoughtful advice in a situation, even if a few times he has had to give me a verbal smack upside the head when I was doing something stupid. Anyway numerous times during the conversation he would say things like had better not be fake with me, I want you to tell me the truth no matter what, and  if you see anything that worries you about my relationship (with his new adorable girlfriend) I want you to tell me. I of course promised that I would, and I know that he will do the same for me. Now that is a great feeling, to know I don't have to worry about expressing myself and knowing I can trust him to be honest as well.  This whole thing made me realize what a treasure real friends are, and I feel so grateful to have those strong honest friendships in my life. It also strengthened my resolve to quit wearing masks in order to be what others want me to be, and be my real genuine self. I think it is pretty fantastic how even negative events in your life can be good because they teach you lessons you would never have experienced otherwise.

Now I am off to crawl under the covers and have sweet dreams!

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